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HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL
OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER
PEOPLE INSANE
1. At lunchtime, sit in your
parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the
intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3. Insist that your e-mail
address be:
Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
or Elvis-the-king@company.com
4. Every time someone asks
you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues
to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on
your desk and label it 'IN.'
7. Develop an unnatural fear
of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee
maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch
to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all
your checks, write "for sexual favors"
10.Reply to everything
someone says with, "That's what you think."
11.Finish all your sentences
with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12.Adjust the tint on you
monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to
others that you like it that way.
13.Don't use any
punctuation.
14.As often a possible, skip
rather than walk.
15.Ask people what sex they
are.
16.Specify that your drive
through order is "to go."
17.Sing along at the opera.
18.Go to a poetry recital
and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19.Find out where your boss
shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss
does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20.Send e-mail to the rest
of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs
me, I'll be in the bathroom."
21.Put mosquito netting
around your cubicle.
22.Five days in advance,
tell your friends you can't attend their party, because you're not in the mood.
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